Excerpt......
"until we realize that our fears originate in our own awareness of inevitable change and loss, we blame them on causes outside us, convinced that other people, places and things are making us feel vulnerable and threatened."
So yeah i been reading this book called The end of fear which is basically like the 'spiritual path for realist', as quoted from the Author Richard Schaub Ph.D (Psychotherapist). from the first chapter i was inspired. I myself is a Realist...kinda more on the pessimistic side tho. As i was reading, i came to realize that maybe the reason why i am always so nervous and so worried bout things is because i am well aware that my existence on this earth is not permanent therefore i am always feeling like: if this life were to end for me tomorrow, what will i be known for? what can be a representation of who i am and who will remember me?
i also started to realize that none of us will be around for ever, not me ..nor you..not your family...nor mines, and as we grow older we will witness these things that we have became so accustomed to, like family and friends fade away. If that isnt a good basis for pessimistic attitudes then idk what is. I live my life day by day knowing that i can be gone tomorrow, but u will not see me out partying getting drunk, nor at church all day because i know that neither of those paths can truly provide happiness. i myself llive by the KALAMA SUTTA ...Buddha instructs the Kalama People on which basis one should decide which religious teaching to accept as true. The Buddha tells the Kalamas to not just believe religious teachings because they are claimed to be true by various sources or through the application of various methods and techniques. He urges that direct knowledge from one's own experience should be called upon. He counsels that the words of the wise should be heeded and taken into account when deciding upon the value of a teaching. This is not a dogmatic acceptance but rather a constantly questioning and testing acceptance of those teachings which can be proven to reduce suffering.
i know all of this seems unpractical to all of you reading but truthfully i think that everyone needs to evaluate themselves before they satrt to question the motives and actions of another person. I did and i see that the worst part of life is that we all die..kinda melodramatic but its the truth
=/
Knock You Down - Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
blah blah blah
Okay so people lately i have been realizing things about myself. when i have a problem (usually guy problems) lol i stress it and try to make things right you know, but it seems like the more i try the less i get. Truthfully i am SOFT as hell lol the littlest things hurt me. I could be talking to a guy for two days but if he leave me after those two days i would most likely cry and then go blog about it, then put in my status that i wrote a new blog, hoping that he would see and go read my blog and then magically have a change of heart and call my cell phone and profess his undying love for me lmao yes thats my fantasty. its that serious with me. Hopeless romantic is not the word! more like passive aggressive obsessive compulsive romantic. And the thing about this is that i admit it. I know i do crazy things for love. i know that i go hard so to say. and i let these guys know! In my besty's terms "they signed up for this". And yet they still apply early, resume in hand lol They forget that they 'bagged' me regardless of all the baggage i tell them that i come with. in the first day that i start messing with a guy, i hear a thousand stories.. stories about where he be, who he with, what he did, how he is, who he is...things that i myself never knew was physically possible. they be Like ahem 'i saw so and so in queens with so and so doing so and so" and im like SO!!!!!
when will i finally find something real to rest my head on. like somebody who wont hold it against me when i just need someone to hold me. someone who has no problem everytime i wanna be wined and dined, taken out on a friday night to spend a little time.
I aint Gonna beg you:
-everytime i need someone to be there when i had me one of them crazy days
-everytime i want someone to treat me like they always said they were gonna treat me like
-everytime i need some huggin and some lovin' but your busy so i don't get nothing
I am so sick of being patient...i am NOT here for you to take it when you want to take it. You guys are WEAK...not in the sense of strength but if you cannot handle a girl taking care of you, holding you down, wanting the best for you, supporting you with the constructive things that you do, plus having everything that you can possibly want in a chick DONT HIT ME UP! I am too fragile for Games ={ ..and yall wonder why i read my books lol
Why the helll does it seem like i am the only person in the whole entire world who is never happy!? I build myself up only to be broken down again. I burn bridges only to be stranded. I sacrifice, Utilize, stigmatize, sensualize and antagonize myself, all for the happiness and well being for that special guy. If i had a dime for every guy that played, lied, cheated, hurt, disrespected, led on, and left me...i would be one Rich chick. I spend so much time canonizing these guys that i forget to appreciate myself. I set high expectations, and notice potential in people that would rather do dirt then do right. And trust me i am not trying to change you when i give suggestions about the things that i do and do not like for a guy to do..i am simply trying to help you better yourself. Obviously there is a light that i see in you and i want to make it my responsibility to keep that light shining and/or make it illuminate more. That is my duty as your girl/ Girl that is interested in you. It seems like i bring a full coarse meal to the table, but they would rather the fast food. It is all so confusing. And then they complain that there aren't any good women left...I wonder why
-why is it that when us females try our best to satisfy and be everything that a guy wants, this is when they dont want you? I thought that maybe we make ourselvess too available or is it basically that they just aren't interested? But if that is so..howcome they never seem to let that be known from the start?I understand that sometimes it seems like things are moving too fast or you may be confused..but let me work with you, especially if im trying my hardest to be apart of your life.
when will i finally find something real to rest my head on. like somebody who wont hold it against me when i just need someone to hold me. someone who has no problem everytime i wanna be wined and dined, taken out on a friday night to spend a little time.
I aint Gonna beg you:
-everytime i need someone to be there when i had me one of them crazy days
-everytime i want someone to treat me like they always said they were gonna treat me like
-everytime i need some huggin and some lovin' but your busy so i don't get nothing
I am so sick of being patient...i am NOT here for you to take it when you want to take it. You guys are WEAK...not in the sense of strength but if you cannot handle a girl taking care of you, holding you down, wanting the best for you, supporting you with the constructive things that you do, plus having everything that you can possibly want in a chick DONT HIT ME UP! I am too fragile for Games ={ ..and yall wonder why i read my books lol
Why the helll does it seem like i am the only person in the whole entire world who is never happy!? I build myself up only to be broken down again. I burn bridges only to be stranded. I sacrifice, Utilize, stigmatize, sensualize and antagonize myself, all for the happiness and well being for that special guy. If i had a dime for every guy that played, lied, cheated, hurt, disrespected, led on, and left me...i would be one Rich chick. I spend so much time canonizing these guys that i forget to appreciate myself. I set high expectations, and notice potential in people that would rather do dirt then do right. And trust me i am not trying to change you when i give suggestions about the things that i do and do not like for a guy to do..i am simply trying to help you better yourself. Obviously there is a light that i see in you and i want to make it my responsibility to keep that light shining and/or make it illuminate more. That is my duty as your girl/ Girl that is interested in you. It seems like i bring a full coarse meal to the table, but they would rather the fast food. It is all so confusing. And then they complain that there aren't any good women left...I wonder why
-why is it that when us females try our best to satisfy and be everything that a guy wants, this is when they dont want you? I thought that maybe we make ourselvess too available or is it basically that they just aren't interested? But if that is so..howcome they never seem to let that be known from the start?I understand that sometimes it seems like things are moving too fast or you may be confused..but let me work with you, especially if im trying my hardest to be apart of your life.
thinking that maybe this is too much for me 'conformity is key' is the moto that seems to be, installed in our minds and passed down through time. and no one dares to break the chain completely even though there are few who seem to be. but does anyone succed? for none can truly be themself after overcoming adversities . Then there are the rules, set forth by them..intended for us. making us lose ourselves in what we are told to be right and just, fogging the lust...lust to be unorthrodox and indivisualize. if only they saw it through my eyes
and on another note
They all say 'your the perfect girl for me' but then they leave, and all thats left is me..scarred internally and emotionally with thoughts of how it was supposed to be, with Ryan leslie on repeat....eesh what do you guys want from meeeee??????
ACCPTED!
Oaky so today i Got accepted to ADELPHI university and i am like super hype!
despite the O'D tuition i'm pretty sure that this is the school that i am going to attend.
Its pretty much a very good college, on the Princeton review and shit so yeah ..i'm hype! That downer depressed feeing that i had before went away because of this.I have decided to become Asexual again lol until college..for those who dont know
Asexuality is sometimes considered a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction,[1][2] experience little or no sexual attraction,[3] or lack interest in or desire for sex.
=DD Guys are no good for my fragile ass.
despite the O'D tuition i'm pretty sure that this is the school that i am going to attend.
Its pretty much a very good college, on the Princeton review and shit so yeah ..i'm hype! That downer depressed feeing that i had before went away because of this.I have decided to become Asexual again lol until college..for those who dont know
Asexuality is sometimes considered a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction,[1][2] experience little or no sexual attraction,[3] or lack interest in or desire for sex.
=DD Guys are no good for my fragile ass.
WATCHHH ITTTTT
okay so this video is the truth. smh
well so yesterday i partied lol kinda hard just to try to get myself on to better terms. appearently getting drunk doesn't solve anything. i just feel like i need change (for lack of a better word) Nothing feels right. Even with college coming around nothing seems to be going my way. its a universal trruth that when one thing in your life starts to come together..another part crumbles and falls.
And there it goes......
Have you ever had the feeling like you just wanted to be left alone. Like nothing can make you feel better and everything makes you feel worst? well if so tune in cus' homey i feel your pain. Idk..This week has been a totally off week for me. Not only because of my failing love life..but because, lately everything seems so surreal. As if everything and everyone is so fake and no one cares to help me find my reality. Things that i think are tangible, turns out to be unattainable , and everyone is annoying me. I am tired of people hitting ME up to talk about THEM. I want to talk about ME for once. I want to be Complimented, adored, loved..i want someone to kiss my ass for once. When i like a guy i want to have long conversations about US and how he feels about me and how i feel about him. AND I WANT THE GUY THAT I WANT WHEN I WANT HIM! So i have decided to go M.I.A from Myspace, facebook, and AIM. I need to find myself and my own nirvana.
OTHER THAN THAT.....
I tried to reconcile with this guy i really liked, after i listened to some One be Lo. I realized that maybe what this guy needed was someone to stick around for him and ride ya know...but he doesnt want me so i guess i have to move on. he actually told me 'alright' when i mentioned leaving so needless to say i got that 'bitchidontgiveafuckanyway' vibe lol total burn. idk i guess its a guy thing...i never really understood them much. All my friends would agree i am the unluckiest lover there is. But idc , heaven only knows.
Branching off....
Well normally i would post under kooltayb.blogspot.com, but idk lately there has been a few restrictions on what i could post and how much i post and the topics that i post about and i feel like i need a new place to express my somber assesments. so yeah if u wanna read about my sucky relationships, bad advice, and horrible days...then please, feel free to follow
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